why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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