You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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