Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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