He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
