A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
