How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
