she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
