we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
