I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
