david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
