Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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