Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
