its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
