You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
