So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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