tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
