Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
