So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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