I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
