so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize