she was so not down for the gang bang
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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