I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
