I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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