If that was your dad, he is hot
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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