After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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