Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You ruined the universe
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
