Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
