i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
babies were throwing up all over the place
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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