I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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