So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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