I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
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I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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