We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
