hell yes lets make some ravioli
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
