Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
