I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
