i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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