ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
