just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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