can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
