she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
