drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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