So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
