The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
