I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
