dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
