is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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