you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
