I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
