Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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