what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
