is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
