Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize