She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
