the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sober January is a disaster.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
