if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
