We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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