that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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