First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I smell like Dick and happiness
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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