why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I could fuck to npr.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
