Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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