i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
you made out with another girl for some wings
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
