i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
