if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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