The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
