No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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