you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
