Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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