you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
