He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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