Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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