I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
