Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i now understand why vodka
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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