I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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