your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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