i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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