as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
