you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i will never coherently bang her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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