Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
